How to Ask for More Personal Space in Your Relationship

by Mar 3, 20230 comments

When you first start dating someone, it can be easy to want to talk to one another as much as you can throughout the day and hang out whenever you’re able to. But even if you greatly enjoy your partner’s company, you still may want some peace and quiet or some alone time to yourself, which is totally normal. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a little time to yourself. In fact, it can be good for both you and your relationship.

So how can you ask for more personal space in your relationship?

Be Clear and Direct

Asking for personal space may immediately set your partner in defense mode. They may be wondering if they did or said something wrong or they may even be worried that you’re no longer interested in them.

Make sure you’re clear and direct with your partner when you’re asking for space. Let your partner know why you’re asking for space. Maybe you want to hang out with friends, knock out some chores, or run errands on your own. Sometimes all you need is a little time for yourself to relax, rest, and rejuvenate yourself.

Choose Your Words Carefully

Asking for a little personal space doesn’t have to turn into a fight. Make sure you’re being mindful of your needs as well as your partner’s. Make sure you’re not letting your emotions get in the way during your conversation.

Communicating openly and honestly is one of the most effective forms of communication. Make sure you’re not playing the blame game and placing blame on your partner for how you’re feeling. Choose your words carefully. Use “I” statements when explaining how you feel instead of “you”. Your partner will be more receptive to what you’re saying to them if they don’t feel attacked.

Plan a Date to Look Forward To

Reassure your partner that you’ll see one another soon, you just need a little time to yourself. Plan a date in the future for both of you to look forward to so that your partner isn’t feeling uneasy or worried that your relationship is on the rocks.

Pair your request for personal space with something like “But I’m excited about seeing you tomorrow.” or “I can’t wait to go to that event with you this weekend.” This small gesture will reassure your partner and let them know that you’re considering your needs as well as theirs.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Sometimes a little self-care and time apart can actually strengthen your relationship. Both you and your partner are two individual people with different personalities, wants, needs, values, and goals.

It’s okay to dedicate some time alone for self-care or your own hobbies, or even to spend time with your own family and friends. These types of activities can actually strengthen your relationship. Haven’t you ever heard the phrase “Distance makes the heart grow fonder?” Sometimes it’s nice to miss someone and realize how important they are to you and in bettering your life.

Next Steps

Even when you’re in a healthy, happy, and committed relationship, there is nothing wrong with wanting a little personal space or alone time every now and then. That being said, you want to make sure you’re prioritizing your wants and needs while still being respectful and considerate of your partner.

If you’re interested in seeking additional support when it comes to some challenging topics in your relationship, reaching out to an outside third party may be exactly what you and your partner need.

Reach out to us today if you’re interested in setting up an individual or couples therapy session.

Click here for more information on couples therapy.