You live for the highs in the relationship…
You know… the jubilance and the passion.
It’s an unpredictable relationship, like a rollercoaster.
It’s addicting and leaves you hovering over the edge.
There are highs and lows, but everything about it excites you!
There’s a certain need to the relationship – greediness for the unattainable. There are withdraws, whether they haven’t called you in weeks or a break in the relationship for some time, the back and forth, together vs. apart, and when your phone finally lights up with their name, it’s a fresh injection into your bloodstream.
You keep chasing the high, and you will not stop until you are forced to end the relationship or meet someone else.
Your partner is your best friend, and you can’t rid yourself of the negativity and become accustomed to it. You are too scared to let go, to find yourself again, to be alone. Relationship therapy can help.
Everyone wants passion.
Someone who will take you higher than you’ve ever been. Someone who takes you along on the rollercoaster ride, where your stomach drops as the adrenaline goes through your veins.
But that passion can change… it can end. You can become so blinded by the passion and slide into the toxic change your relationship has become.
You don’t realize the emotional abuse your partner inflicts because they’re not violent and haven’t physically harmed you.
After the emotional abuse, your partner, does something nice, apologizes, or promises they won’t ever do it again.
You also share a life together: friend groups, a dog, or the same apartment. You’re in too deep to call it quits.
You don’t want to walk away because the familiar is more comfortable than the unfamiliar. Our patterns and routines comfort us and help us through the things we need to get through.
Then there’s the fear of being alone. It’s natural to want a partner, but this has nothing to do with our true happiness.
But, unfortunately, the lows are much more common.
Eventually, you burn out. You take a hit that’s too strong to handle, just like a drug. You can let it pull you down, gasping for air and searching for something in the relationship, so you don’t completely drown.
It’s very dramatic and depressing.
Your partner controls every aspect and decision you make. They’re jealous of anyone you want to spend time with.
It’s exhausting and draining after spending time with them – you are constantly giving effort without getting anything in return.
They also isolate you from your friends and family, manipulating you, expecting you to do what they want ALWAYS.
This no longer feels like a relationship… it’s a trap.
They don’t change, and you’re left feeling sad, angry, and anxious.
Do you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells… scared to say the wrong thing? Maybe you’re constantly second-guessing and doubting yourself, wondering if you’re just too sensitive or overreacting?
Do you find yourself making up excuses for your partner’s poor behavior?
Are the lies so common that you’ve begun (or started a long time ago!) questioning all your partner’s actions?
Are you always trying to make your partner “better” or “fix” the relationship?
Do I deserve this?
When will this stop?
What happens if I just wait a little longer?
The truth is that you’re addicted to your partner… just like a drug.
And, just like a drug, you’re waiting for that next high—for that next rush of endorphins.
And, because it feels so good, you’re putting up with mistreatment and conflict as you wait for that next moment of bliss.
You can’t do without them, and you don’t want to do without them.
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Mackenzie* had been dying to be in the “perfect” relationship.
She was in college and had everything figured out: a major she loved, a rewarding internship, and amazing friends who had her back. All she was missing was the BOYFRIEND.
So, she put herself out there and started dating. One after the other, they were either too young, too naïve, or too immature. But, finally, she found Mike*.
From his “resume,” she hit the jackpot! He was charming, attractive, popular… and had a great major and an amazing family. What more could she ask for?
But before long, he was berating her…
“It’s all your fault you made me feel this way.”
“Why don’t you wear makeup more often? You look better with it.”
“Why would you do that? You are so stupid.”
“You can’t come to this because my parents don’t like you.”
She didn’t think much of these nonchalant comments. She thought it was normal. And they ended up dating for months, and months turned into years.
Then she caught on to his lying…
They were mostly about whom he was with. Mackenzie soon became paranoid that he would cheat—that he would leave her for someone else.
She thought to herself, “Wow, this is a lot of work, but I can change him and teach him how to treat me better.”
She thought that this was how relationships were supposed to be—that her friends did the same with their boyfriends.
Waiting for things to get better, the years went by…
The comments got worse, and the fights became more frequent.
And her constant apologizing turned into self-blame: “It’s my fault. If I had said the right thing, things would have gotten better.”
She began feeling insecure in her skin, distancing herself from friends due to embarrassment and shame.
All of a sudden, it hit her…
“Holy shi*t! I deserve better than this. All the signs are there! What do I do?”
Fortunately, Mackenzie found Niyama Center.
Relationship therapy taught her how to boost her self-esteem, stand up for herself, and use her voice to develop a healthy relationship with herself again.
Like we helped Mackenzie, we can help you too.
We will look at your relationship patterns and help you understand your unhealthy relationship patterns. This allows you to become aware and hold you accountable to make changes.
You’ll learn triggers in your relationship and how to talk through disagreements with your partner.
We’ll also show you how to soothe yourself to release negative emotions.
Sessions may include role-playing so that we can provide valuable feedback. We’ll help you discover your strengths in the relationship and create goals for your future.
Are you ready to move past your toxic relationship?
Don’t stay in a relationship that no longer brings you joy. We can help if you’re struggling to get out of a toxic relationship so that you have a healthy way to move past it.
Schedule a relationship therapy appointment today: (248) 962-3329.
*Names changed to preserve client confidentiality.